Freaky Fred and his Best Friend Ann
by yukitomi
Summary: Freaky Fred has a new freaky friend who loves to be naughty too.


"Ann? You still in there?" I looked up from the darkness with my permanent grin, seeing the small slit in the door opening slowly to reveal my caretaker's ever-vigilant eyes.

"Yes Ms. Lucille." I chimed, licking my lips in a hungry manner.

"Well it's time for your holiday. Are you ready?" She opened the door, the bright light a welcome respite from the ever-present darkness in my cell.

"Yes Miss Lucille…" I tried to stand, finding it difficult to do so in my strait-jacket. She walked behind me and began to undo my restraints. "That's quite a lovely shade of blush Ms. Lucille…" I quivered.

"Now's not the time Ann." She looked at me sternly.

"Oh?" I smiled. "I think now is perfect…" I suddenly threw my head back and collided with hers, causing her to fall on her back with a loud crack and knocking her out. I stood, free of my bindings and looked at my poor, unconscious caretaker. "I'm sorry I must cut this short Ms. Lucille…" I smiled as I bent over and grabbed her keys. "You must understand I have errands to attend to…" I walked out of the cell, keys jingling so satisfyingly in my hand… I strode down the corridors of the mental ward, unlocking door after door after door… Each of my dear friends giving me a courteous goodbye before going away on their own errands. Such a wonderful time… so much fun! As I approached the last door in the building I knocked on it, waiting for my best friend's voice.

"Is that you dear Ann?" I heard him echo as I opened the small slit in the door. All I could see were two piercing yellow eyes peering through the darkness.

"Yes my friend." I unlocked the door, opening it slowly and revealing my poor pal sitting on the ground and bound by a straightjacket.

"Out for a party today, are we?" He asked, watching closely as I undid his bindings.

"Yes Fred." I smiled. "I would be oh so happy if you could join us. It will be so much fun watching this wretched place burn."

"I must agree…" Fred grinned, eyeing my hair. "I feel a bit… naughty…"

"As do I…" I giggled as I undid his last bond. He stood from the restraints, stretching his aching bones. I looked down the hallway and saw a fellow inmate running down the hall with a lighter, screaming like a banshee. "Come now, we'll miss out on all the fun!" I grabbed my friend's hand and we rushed outside just as our inmates had finished dousing the building with gasoline. They lit their sparks and the building went up in moments. I rested my head on my dear friend's arm. "So beautiful…" I cooed.

"Indeed…" He petted my hair gently.

X-X-X-X-X

We had been driving for hours now in the stolen asylum truck. I looked out on the desolate road with a sleepy haze over my eyes. "Are we almost there?" I turned towards my friend.

"Almost…" He grinned. "The house is just up ahead… You'll enjoy my dear Aunt Muriel and her dog… I just know it."

"I do hope so." I chimed as we screeched up to the small farmhouse. We got out of the truck and approached the front door. Fred knocked one, two, three times and finally we got an answer. A crotchety old man in overalls answered, seeming to recognize Fred with a nervous stare.

"What are you doing here?!" He asked insultingly.

"Holiday…" Fred answered. "May we stay for a few nights? We won't be any trouble at all…" The old man mumbled to himself as he turned around and yelled inside.

"Muriel! Your freaky nephew Fred is here! And he brought a friend!" He walked further inside, inviting Fred and I to step into the house. It was then that I spotted an adorable puppy cautiously stepping out from behind the kitchen wall.

"Oh! What a cute doggy!" I smiled. He took one look at Fred and me and screamed, running off back to the kitchen.

"Fred! Oh I'm so happy to see you!" A sweet old woman stepped out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. "What a surprise! And you've brought a friend!"

"A pleasure to meet you Ms." I curtsied politely. "May I say you look wonderful." I eyed her face… so blank… so perfect…

"Oh dear!" She giggled. "You're too much!"

"My dear Aunt Muriel! I do apologize for the surprise but we've decided to go on a spontaneous holiday." Fred explained. "Forgive our intrusion…"

"Oh nonsense!" She brushed it off. "Stay as long as you like. We have a guestroom upstairs."

"How nice…" I peered behind the old woman to see the cute doggy cowering behind her, shivering in fear. "May I ask his name?" I pointed at the animal.

"Oh! This is Courage dear." The old woman patted the animal on the head matronly.

"Such a cute doggie…" I eyed him hungrily. He gave a whimper and crept back behind Muriel.

"If you don't mind, Ann and I have to get settled in. Perhaps we need some rest. It was quite the drive here…" My friend, Fred explained.

"Of course! Make yourselves at home!" She giggled before wandering back into the kitchen. As Fred and I stepped up the stairs the curmudgeonly old man continued to mutter to himself. I picked up "freaks" under his breath. As Fred and I arrived in the guestroom I sat on the bed, placing my hands in my lap.

"This will be so much fun Fred… a nice holiday…" I looked outside to see the sun was already setting. "And did you see your Aunt? Not a drop of makeup…"

"Now now little Ann…" Fred placed his briefcase on the dresser. "Be patient… What have I taught you?"

"I know…" I gave a loud sigh. "I cannot wait until night falls…"

X-X-X-X-X

Hours later we heard the snoring of Muriel and her husband from the other room. Fred sat up from bed and grabbed for his briefcase. "Is it time for fun?" I asked him.

"Indeed it is little Ann…" He grinned. We crept down the hall, our instruments in hand, planning all the naughty things we could do… However, we were stopped in our tracks by that adorable puppy. He looked terrified but still held his ground, giving a stern growl. I cocked my head to the side curiously.

"Why… look at that… That would be so much fun! I've never created a dog before…" I smiled, taking a step towards the animal. He screamed and tried to run before Fred grabbed him.

"This mutt's been a friend for quite some time little Ann…" He marveled at the animal. "But certainly we'll have better luck Muriel and her husband…"

"I suppose." I sighed as Fred threw the dog aside, causing the puppy to thud against the floor. We crept into the couple's bedroom and locked the door behind us. I could hear the dog pounding at the door as Fred set his briefcase on the bedside table.

"Sleeping so soundly…" I smiled.

"Perfect customers…" Fred replied. "Here, I'll take care of the hair… you…" He handed me my bag. "Take care of their faces." He turned on his razor and began to shave at Muriel's head, her stark-white hair dropping on her pillow like feathers. I turned my attention to the man, opening my bag and getting my first instrument: powder.

"My name Fred, Fred is my name. And lookie here, it's such a shame. I've gone and done it once again. I'm being so very naughty…" He chanted as he shaved away at the old woman's head.

"And now dear Fred, I am afraid. That now there's two that play this game. My name is Ann and I'm quite the same. I'm being very naughty…" I chimed in, applying heavy amounts of powder to the old man's face. I could hear the dog howling in vain behind the locked door, desperate to get inside.

"We've escaped to be freaks once more. To cut and trim and love; adore. To transform people once more… To be so very naughty…" He finished with the last of Muriel's hair as I took out my eyeliner and mascara.

"We'll primp and perm and make you beautiful. You must realize, we're very dutiful. And now we're back to the same, old usual… Being so very naughty…" I finished globbing on as much makeup as his unconscious eyes would hold.

"It's been so long since we've had fun. Been so long that we've had to run. But now we're coming, going and gone… Being so, so, so naughty…" Fred crept over to my side of the bed and examined the elderly man's bald head with disappointment.

"I remember when I first met Fred. I heard his voice chiming in my head. But his words filled me not with dread. I only wanted to be… naughty…" I heard the buzz of Fred's razor starting up again behind me.

"Such perfect flaxen locks of hair, so long and soft and curly and fair. Would be a shame if they were no longer there… I'm feeling awfully naughty…" I could feel his razor coming closer and closer to my head as I finished applying makeup to the old man.

"But all good things must come and go. And I'm no prude, as you well know. I understand and feel not woe. But revel in you being… naughty…" I leaned my head back and felt Fred's razor against my scalp, trimming off my hair slowly.

"Maiden as pale as moon and rain, I take such fiendish delight in your naughty brain. Your wonderful hair I must obtain… I'm glad you're feeling… naughty…" Fred continued to shave my hair from my scalp, the wonderful feeling of it tickling down my calves making me grin.

"I trust you Fred, to make me right. You know as well as I do that tonight, may be our last to cause a fright. And to be so very naughty…" I smiled as I felt the last of my hair drop to the floor and Fred turned his razor off. I turned around to see my grinning friend eyeing my scalp like an artist admiring his work.

"So pure and clean and devoid of flaw. Your lovely head leaves me in such awe. Beauty such as yours should be against the law… And so should your being… naughty…" He leaned towards me and I leaned towards him, taking his hands.

"So righteous but misunderstood. I knew you would and knew you could; make me look like I knew I should. Even with your being… naughty…" He craned down and our lips met in a soft kiss. I knew this was no longer my friend… this was my love… Suddenly, we heard sirens and looked outside to see flashing red and blue lights.

"Seems we've been caught little Ann…" Fred grasped my hand tightly.

"Indeed… Perhaps we should run?" I looked up at Fred and he grinned back at me.

"Let's." He led me out the door and down the hallway where the dog stood at the stairs blocking our exit.

"Uh-uh!" He shook his head. I knelt down to the dog as he shivered in fear.

"You must understand little Courage… We mean no harm. Let us go… if they catch us we're sure be separated for quite some time…" I tried to convince the dog. He paused, looking past me at Fred who clutched his bag closely to his chest, that grin still plastered on his face. Courage gave a sigh before moving aside, letting Fred and I pass.

"Thank you, dear Courage! We won't forget to write!" Fred called as we ran down the stairs and out the back door just as the police were barging in. Fred and I ran off into the night as the police screamed after us.

"Do you think Muriel and her husband will miss us?" I looked up at Fred.

"Yes little Ann…" He nodded. "But we will be back… soon enough…"

X-X-X-X-X

Weeks later we had found a place to call our own; a small beauty shop in a small town. Fred found solace and cutting hair and felt less need to be naughty. I tended to lovely women and their cosmetic needs which in turn, also made me feel less naughty. It seemed like we were finally content… until a rather interesting couple walked in; a scruffy lumberjack with a long coarse mane and beard with his wife… a young, pale, colorless woman. Each sat in our respective chairs. I looked over at Fred who stared back at me with a grin. Perhaps we weren't done being naughty after all…


End file.
